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Chris' 6 Day Shred Diary: Day Two

Wednesday, 21 November 2012

Today was Body Combat.

It was the first time I'd ever done Body Combat - so in order to properly give you a my first impressions of what it's like, I thought I'd present a short log of my thoughts during it:

7:30 - Bloody hell, it's busy here tonight.
7:50 - I appear to be the only man waiting for this class (If you can call a human being who spent twenty minutes before leaving for the gym running about the house squealing "Electrolytes, I need my electrolytes, I SIMPLY CANNOT GO TO THE GYM WITHOUT MY ELECTROLYTES" a man).
8:00 - Jacques is taking the class. Jacques looks more like a man called Jacques than you can imagine. Jacques asks if I am new at this. I say yes. He puts his hand on my shoulder, shakes his head like a man saying goodbye to a lame dog, and begins the class.
8:01 - Jacques moves with the speed, precision and grace of a Cobra crossed with an Eagle.
8:02 - I move with the speed, precision and grace of a sofa humping a wardrobe on a staircase.
8:05 - I have punched myself in the ear.
8:08 - I have punched the lady to my left in the ear.
8:15 - I have very nearly punched Jacques in the ear.
8:25 - Marilyn Manson's version of "Sweet Dreams" isn't supposed to be this fast.
8:30 - I'm starting to enjoy this. I already feel more confident; I'm sure I'd stand a chance in a fight now - assuming the fight could be won by just going cross-hook-cross-hook-weave-weave-weave over and over again, and I was fighting a child. With her arms taped to her side.
8:35 - A very fast version of "Bass in the Place" has just started. I don't understand how anyone who isn't on amphetamines could move in time to this.
8:36 - I am now moving faster than a person on amphetamines could, because parts of this one are in double time.
8:45 - In order to make sure nobody feels left out, I have punched the lady to my right in the ear.
8:47 - I'm quite surprised to realise I've spent the last couple of minutes properly lost in the track and the routine, and I've been swinging really rather aggressively - rather unlike the Omega Male I usually am.
8:50 - I have a feeling this abs workout breaks a few key parts of the Geneva convention.
9:00 - I am a sweat beast. I belong in a cave where my sopping skin won't ruin any soft furnishings and my curiously purple, hideous, dribbling face won't scare the townsfolk.

So yeah, that's Body Combat.

I've got to say, I actually really enjoyed it. It really highlighted how poor my coordination and balance are, and it's great for getting the heart going too. It doesn't feel like as "hard" of a workout as something like Body Pump, but there are some lightning fast combinations in there, as well as tracks that involve quickly shifting your weight and body shape drastically without falling on your big, fat, sweaty face. It's good fun, and I'm looking forward to my next class on Thursday already.

Food wise, today consisted of:

Breakfast: Three apples. Pushing the boat out.

Lunch: A salad plus the last little bit of the slimming world meat loaf I made on the weekend.

Dinner: Homemade bolognese with turkey mince and Tesco half fat cheese, then an Aero mousse thing - only 93 calories, but it is slightly lighter than air.

I did stop at Tesco after the gym I'm afraid, in a moment of weakness - here's all the goodies I picked up on my late night, post-gym trip to the home of every sweet, biscuit, cake and crisp on the planet:

Ooh yeah, living the highlife.

I know I'm only two days (or 33%, or a third) into my challenge, but so far I'm feeling good. I have a feeling my arms might ache from all the punching tomorrow (which will make Body Pump fun tomorrow...) But it's nice to be focused and "in the zone" again, so to speak. Even better, so far I've already seen an awesome effect on my weight: This morning I was almost a pound lighter than yesterday - so roll on tomorrow, I say!


  1. Absolutely love your posts, you crack me up! x

  2. I find it vaguely incredible that you managed to get to 8.45 before punching the lady on your right in the ear. A fine effort sir.

  3. haha this is hilarious and totally sounds like my first body combat class, I have zero balance due to an inner ear condition (i.e. ears are broke) so I was falling all over the place knocking people and myself out left right and centre.
    It does get a lot easier though and is definately my favorite class so stick at it.
    A good tip is during the punches (especially the double time ones) imagine smacking someone you hate/annoys you in the face each time. It really does have a good effect on how much effort you put in depending on how much you dislike the person.

  4. "8:01 - Jacques moves with the speed, precision and grace of a Cobra crossed with an Eagle.
    8:02 - I move with the speed, precision and grace of a sofa humping a wardrobe on a staircase"

    This cracked me up!

    Also i once took a body combat class in which I punched myself on the chin and actually bruised... at least i was making an effort?

  5. The 'sofa humping a wardrobe on a staircase' also cracked me up.

    I do love a good internal monologue.

    Keep up the good work!